Dear Client

HOW NOT TO WRITE A BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT LETTER - DESPITE MY TEMPTATION!

Dear Client,

I've written to you today to talk to you about recruitment and I have chosen a letter in which to do this. I have opted for this pre-dated method of communication for a few reasons.

1) All of the carrier pigeons were out.

2) I can't talk to your secretary anymore. Shy of knowing her bra size and favourite day of the week, I've come to know more about her than my own mother and whilst I enjoy hearing the words 'If you'd like to send me an email, I'll ensure your details are passed on to the right person who will be in contact soon' more times than Michael Jackson say's 'chimone', I feel my relationship with her is becoming one of those relationships that cause people to bungee-jump - minus cord. I know she's lovely but her telephone sign off can only be heard by near-by dolphins and my ear-drums can't take it anymore.

3) Hearing the 'your call is being answered by Audix' speech is coma-inducing. I've put in a lot of work to contact you and researched the ways in which our businesses would be mutually beneficial by comparing the skills required against the work environment and culture in order to establish a good synergy from our suitable candidates, this in turn reduces the need for constant communication and distraction from myself, leaving you to carry on with your job and letting me do mine efficiently. The whole reason for utilising a recruitment agency in the first place (pause for breath). By the way, I won't be sending countless CVs of candidates I haven't screened and pre-referenced. It's not effective business practice. Have you tried to say that in a 10 second voicemail that will guarantee a call back?

4) Your Outlook hates me. Either my emails don't arrive or your finger accidentally hits the 'delete' button before reading it. PLEASE READ IT. I've called you for a reason, not as an excuse to fill a quota in my day so if you really don't want to chat to me, at least be courteous and read why I called. I've already managed to listen to your secretary who advised that email is the best policy so please let me know that you've read it and you're not interested. No matter how rude the response, one would be great.

5)  I actually enjoy my job and I love listening to how businesses run first hand - specifically yours. Why not tell me about why you're passionate about what you do and how you've obtained your business and then allow me to tell you why I'm no different to how you've built up your business from scratch.

If a letter is the only way you'll get to hear these things then I can't help but think how difficult business must be for someone with no tolerance to new relationships and a closed mind. I know there are thousands of us that call but please understand that we're not all the same. Some of us actually care about what we do, how we do it and why it will save you time and money. Yes, recruitment saves you time.... and money.

Thank you very much for introducing my letter to your bin, I'm sure we'll get on famously. "Hello apple core, nice to see you here. Chewing gum, please detach yourself from me."

Yours exhaustedly

Ian Jeanes.

New Media Specialist